It was many years ago when I was in my thirties and unhappy in my marriage. I offer this only as background, and not as an excuse. I take full responsibility for my actions. While I believe men and women should have the freedom to do as they please with their bodies, my sin was lying about what I was doing. If you’re unhappy in your marriage, fix it or leave.
I came across an article by Marc Perkel that was the most influential piece for me. It gave many of the pros and cons for hiring an escort as well as practical advice on how to go about it (link very NSFW). Given the legality of such activities, I can’t share specific details of my hiring, but I can tell you about my personal experiences.
Like anything that’s in demand, someone, somewhere will supply it. Sex is no exception. There’s a reason this is called the oldest profession in the world. For as long as there have been people, there have been those willing to trade resources for sex.
In America, it is currently illegal and generally frowned upon, which only means it is going on behind the scenes. This also means a number of cottage industries have popped up to facilitate the transaction.
Nickie, mentioned in the previous post, chose to post via Backpage. You could find people there, but it was very dangerous and unpredictable. There are better sites where you have to be a member, where they will do a simple background check on you so that women will know if you are who you say you are. They also check that the women are who they say they are, and that their pictures and ads are accurate. The ladies will include pictures, measurements, physical descriptions and a menu of what they are willing to do.
There are review sites that allow men to give whatever details they feel are necessary. As you would expect, many are explicit and some can be a bit rude, but by-in-large, they keep it clean and respectful. If you want to be a part of the community, you have to play by the rules.
The Escorts Community is Also Huge
Once you get in, you’ll start to see many of the same players. All have a chosen online name and can be found discussing “the hobby” on message boards. There’s advice for newbies, discussions of who is good to see, what areas have been targeted by law enforcement, which guys have become real d*ck heads and need to be excluded, etc. Like other activities it has its own special terms, so many of the discussions were about definitions. There are even in-person socials if you get in deep enough!
A number of clients and providers meet up at prearranged venues to buy drinks and meet providers face to face. It’s a lot like a sales convention with vendors putting out their best items looking for buyers. There are rules of course like no real names, be respectful, etc.
How Much Have I Spent on Escorts?
Most review and ad sites let you know up front around how much you’ll spend. Many times, the girls will run specials trying to build up clientele. I learned early on as a novice, do NOT haggle. For most, this is their profession and they know their worth.
During my time, I never paid more than $200 for an hour. I made appointments about every three months, and this went on for about four years. All totaled I probably spent about $3,200.
I kept this quiet by having a separate bank account where part of my check was direct deposited and I could get to the cash. Appointments were usually in the middle of the day as part of a long lunch. I did have my one and only threesome with a regular and a girl she invited. It was $400 total for the time.
At one of the socials, I met a guy who had over 500 “OKs” from girls. Which meant he had been with at least that many, but probably more. This is over several years, but doing the math, he spent over $100,000 on this “hobby”! I have to assume the guy was single since I find it hard to imagine hiding that amount of money.
Chances are, you know someone who has paid for sex. I’m a pretty unassuming person. Typical day job as an accountant. If you saw me, you wouldn’t think I had hired someone to have sex. When I was dating, I didn’t have any trouble getting dates or relationships.
But as I mentioned, I was not happy in my marriage. I was deeply depressed, but was raised to believe you stayed married no matter what. This was a way for me to get the intimacy I desired without having to give up the marriage. You’re just exchanging resources. You need human touch, she needs some money. I was able to meet some amazing women that provided a service that came with none of the drawbacks like emotional entanglements. No crazy calls in the middle of the night or showing up at your job. They are professionals and act that way.
It’s an important distinction that you are not actually paying for sex since that’s illegal; you’re paying for her time. She can, at her discretion, decide nothing is going to happen.
My experience was a little different than what Nickie described. I mostly did in-calls (her place), and would make the appointments online and get a general area to meet at. Once there, I had to make a call out to get the actual location. When I got inside, I was usually greeted warmly with a hug or light kiss. I was allowed to peak around a bit, just to make me feel safe that we were, in fact, alone.
Money wasn’t ever discussed, and I never actually put it in her hand. If, like Nickie, she brought it up, I would have turned and walked out the door. I was also never “upsold” and was never offered drugs. I brought my own water and I left my valuables in the car. It’s by far more dangerous for them, even with all the precautions, but as a client you still need to be alert.
I was very selective in who I met with, which is the whole point of an escort. My guess is Nickie’s loss of clientele may have been not from competition, but her lack of professionalism.
Human trafficking is very real and prostitution is an obvious avenue for exploiting people. The fact that giving a person money for sex is illegal is a large part of that. If the industry was legal and somewhat regulated, I feel like women would generally be safer since it is difficult to go to the cops if you are assaulted doing something “illegal”.
All the women I knew were doing it as a choice, and from what I could tell, mostly enjoyed it. They set their own schedules, used services to screen out most of the wackos, had a separate location for business, and were usually prompt and courteous. Some are busy enough to even hire personal assistants to help with screening and making appointments. They had families and lives outside of their work that they kept separate. Her time working was just another day at the office.
They always had back-up too. Any smart girl makes sure she has a partner that knows she’s meeting with someone and has signals for when things go sideways. Given the intimacy of the transaction, it’s easy to see why some would get emotional. If she’s good, you’ll forget this is just a transaction. Some guys do and will mistakenly cross the line.
I admit I got close to a couple of regulars myself. I even exchanged real names with them and had long conversations about my wife. They made me feel exceptional, but of course that was their job. We were not in love. We were not even friends. We were close business associates. I even considered offering my services as an accountant to help them out. Being in a cash based, less than legal profession, many just don’t know what to do. They collect the cash, pay their expenses and spend the rest.
The thing is, this is not very different than a cam girl, selling her time over the internet. You have something the other person is willing to pay for. Audits are fairly rare for the typical taxpayer since they don’t have the personnel to pursue small money. They’ll spend their time with people who deposit hundreds of thousands of dollars. They didn’t get Al Capone on any criminal charges, they got him on tax evasion. It is easier than ever to keep your cash safe in an online bank. The rules are the same for all entrepreneurs: collect your money, maintain good records of your expenses, and get a good CPA.
I stopped using escort services years ago. I dated and eventually remarried. I get all I need out of my relationship now, but there are times I miss the thrill of meeting a new girl.
The pros of using escorts is that you could reasonably expect to be having sex that day, and you generally knew who you were meeting. You’re both at your very best, most polished, self, and you don’t have to worry about any emotional entanglements. The cons were the need to sneak around, the financial and emotional costs, and of course it’s a poor substitute for meaningful relationships.